For some years now I’ve been looking for a green man incense burner.
I saw one for sale once in that shop that sells everything in Liverpool’s Albert Dock. You know the one.
It was a beaut. It had a long root-lined tray to collect the ashes. The green man himself was a large tree stump with a face. You put the incense stick in his mouth, so it looked like he was smoking.
I didn’t buy that beaut. I saw something similar in a new age shop that existed for a short while in Belper. I didn’t buy that one either. And since then a green man incense burner has been my “white whale”. The monomaniacal hunt’s been on.
Well, that hunt came to an end yesterday. Take a look at this guy, found in Nottingham’s Ice Nine:
The Heavy Psych Sounds flyer has been added for scale. That flyer’s the same size as a postcard you might send to your friends from the beach: “I seem to have been away from home such a long time.”
I’ll call him John, and I’ll explain why in a minute. Because we have a problem here.
This isn’t a green man incense burner at all.
Look at the back:
I’ll investigate Alator Giftware at a later date. But for now, look at that barcode.
This ain’t no green man. It’s an ent!
What’s an ent? This is an ent:
John has problems beyond his not being a green man. First of all, the incense ash is going to fall right into his face. Over the years that could develop into a lovely earthy complexion, but more likely it’ll just make him difficult to clean.
But a more pressing problem. When you give him some incense to burn, John ends up looking very excited:
So the hunt continues for that mythical green man incense burner. But in the meantime John can stay. I love his smile, and though ents aren’t green men, they’re still boss. They make a sort of wine so enriching that it makes hobbits grow, and they live life very slowly indeed.
I wouldn’t mind living life at an entish pace. John lives on my desk. Maybe every time I glance at him I’ll be reminded to slow down a little, and drink some wine.