The 5 Types of Music Videos They Play in My Gym

What’s the best music for a workout?

For me, it’s either:

  • Heavy like a headbutt from a Viking.
  • So mechanical and repetitive that it’s inhuman and unholy.
  • Upbeat, up tempo, and familiar, to distract from the pain and tedium of cardiovascular exercise.

The music they play in my gym is none of these things. I could write multiple paragraphs about how much I hate it, but I’m not quite at my “yelling at cloud” stage of life yet. Suffice to say: You know your playlist is in bad shape when G**rg* *zr** is a highlight.

But whatever. I can blank that out and listen to my own stuff. What I can’t ignore, though, are the videos that accompany these songs. There are TVs everywhere. Even if you don’t actively watch them, there they are. You’re going to notice them.

And notice them I have. And I’ve noticed that the various music videos they play in my gym fit into one of five categories.

Let’s explore these categories, together. I’ll list them in order of preference, from those I can tolerate (and even, sometimes, admire!) to those which, as music videos, are about as engaging as CCTV footage of the Winnersh branch of Allied Carpets on a drizzly Saturday afternoon in 1992.

I shall not be embedding any videos, soz. This is because I have no idea who’s responsible for most of the inanities that make it to the gym playlist. I could seek them out, but such behaviour could get me blackballed from the Drones Club.

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